She turns me into putty. Warm, melty, doughy putty.
Does this mean I have no backbone? Not necessarily.
Does it mean I’m impulsive and make ill-informed, rash decisions? Probably.
This is what happens when life lobs a grenade in your lap; a smart, sexy, funny grenade. This person, intentionally or unintentionally, screws with your life. Grand schemes and master plans, be damned! All those “goals” you’ve been setting for yourself the past few months/years? Toss them out the window. All the time, energy and thought that you usually put towards productive activities, well, that just gets redirected towards this intruder. If you’re one of the lucky ones, this person will be honest, straight-forward, and filled with the best intentions (and god-willing, reciprocates your feelings). However, if you’re not one of the lucky ones, my condolences, truly.
That’s where I was a couple weeks ago (and several times over the past year, to be honest), believing I was one of the unlucky ones. So, as any hot-tempered, irrational person would do, I decided to shoot first and ask questions later. Luckily, my resolve is worse than my aim. It turns out relationships, even friendships, tend to get confusing, especially when feeling and emotions are involved. I know. Duh… right? But this whole trying to have a platonic relationship with someone of the XX-chromosome persuasion, that shit is brand new to me. I’m not dumb, just inexperienced. Well, maybe a little dumb, too.
I don’t know exactly where this new path is going to take me, or how far it will lead me astray from my old path. But for now, she gives me that oh-so-special feeling, something I haven’t felt in a long time. Sometimes, even though you know something is probably going to be a mistake, you have to do it anyway. It’s the only way you’ll really learn.
That and I am absolutely Smitten. Yup, capital S.
And another great thing about crushing on someone, it takes away your motivation to go out and spend ~$40/night on the crapshoot that is the NYC dating scene.