Before I begin, get your minds outta the gutter.
This YouTube clip encapsulates two topics I’d like to cover with today’s post: awkward eye contact and ass/crotch etiquette.
First of all, eye contact on the subway is widely discouraged. Once you enter that subway car, you are your own country. Everybody around you is to be treated like a potential foreign threat to national security; even little, old Asian countries can be hiding a nuke in their little, old lady purses. Not to have such a fatalistic or antisocial outlook on life, but in my decade or so of experience riding the subway, never have I thought to myself, “Hmmmm, I could really go for a conversation right about now!” Although, I’m not above sneaking a sidewards glance in your direction every now and then, the probability of which goes higher if I’m caught without my headphones or you’re a pretty lady.
I’m used to those awkward moments in which, when you’re scanning the subway, your eyes lock with another person with a wandering eye for all of half a second. I’m talking about extended bouts of eye contact that inherently illicit my fight or flight response. Situations in which the person challenged you to a staring contest, and you’re non-cooperation doesn’t deter the challenger in the slightest (if anything, it gives them resolve to try and burn a hole into your soul using his death-stare). This isn’t an eHarmony commercial or a West Side Story homage, if someone’s staring at me in the subway, I doubt it’s my future soul-mate and the knife fight that would presumably follow would have a lot more stabbing and a lot less jazz hands.
The second topic that the video broaches happens only sporadically to a commuter, but if you’re a rush hour commuter, you experience this twice a day. Would you rather have someone’s ass or crotch staring you in the face, and vice versa, would you rather have your ass or crotch staring someone in the face?